“Dear future husband, here’s a few things you’ll need to know-” – Dear Future Husband by Meghan Trainor (Yes, I cut it off in the middle of the line because I do not agree with the implication that if her future husband does not meet her list of requirements her love will run out and she will leave him.)
This season in life is an exciting one for many of my friends (and for myself, but in different ways). I have more than one of my best friends planning a wedding at the moment (and I am honored to be able to help) as well as more friends whom I am not as close to (but more than casual friends) who are also getting married or having babies! It is truly a blessing to be able to witness these moments in my friends’ lives and be a part of it all.
I do not want this post to get miss-interpreted, I am happy with my life and content with my singleness. That said with all the wedding planning going on I am getting asked more so than normal from my friends, co-workers, and others about if I want that for myself. Of course I do! I dream and long for that season in life for myself, but Father has other plans for me at this moment and that is alright. When people find out that I do desire marriage and a family one-day they often then ask what I am looking for. I have decided to flip the question on those who know me best, and instead ask them to tell me what they think I should be looking for.
Some of these answers made me laugh (most of them did) and others truly touched my heart as I realized just how well my friends know my heart. I will offer my own thoughts on some of my friends’ replies, but I will save my comments for the end of their replies as I want you see how they answered, exactly as they answered. Some of these are priceless!
To my fellow single friends out there, ask your friends what they think you need and should be looking for. You just might be amazed by what they notice about you that you may not have realized about yourself.
Me: Alright as someone who knows me I want to know, what traits/qualities do you think my future husband needs to possess?
“Sarcasm. It’s basically a love language for you. Unopposed to homeschooling your future children. Needs to want kids.”
“Loves the Lord
Follows the Lord
Seeks the Lord
Tall-er than you
Loves healthy eating
Loves his family
Loves your family
Loves family time
Loves spending time with you
Loves me! (that’s important!)
Loves staying up late and talking
Loves to go on adventures
Loves to sleep
Loves to read
Has to be handsome 😉
ALSO, he has to like the color green ;)”
“Has to love Jesus more than anything, be like Todd Spencer, be ok with your love for the Jonas Brothers, and has to have deep spiritual conversations regularly.”
I have to interject a comment here. Todd Spencer is a fictional character from Robin Jones Gunn’s ‘Christy Miller’ book series (as well as ‘Christy and Todd the College Years’, ‘Christy and Todd the Married Years’, and ‘Christy and Todd the Baby Years’). To anyone who has read the book they realize what this comment “be like Todd Spencer” implies. Todd is a surfer boy (ok that part is totally optional) whose biggest passion in life is Jesus Christ and sharing the Gospel. From the very first book you see Todd telling others about Christ and witnessing to his friends and in the newest book (there are 20 so far) he is teaching Bible classes at a Christian school, writing worship songs, and leading a Bible study. Over the course of the series he goes over seas to be a missionary for a few years, works as a youth pastor, and is often seen weeping over seeing people come to Christ. I could go on and on to explain how packed the comment to “be like Todd Spencer” is, but I think you get the point.
“Always speak in correct grammar or else you will be corrected. Be ready for her to break into song and be ready to sing along. When you ask her opinion, be prepared to get it without hesitation.”
This friend went more for the “advice you would give a guy” route in how she answered instead of direct traits he needs to have. But I would say her main point of a trait my future husband has to have is patience. I can be a lot to handle.
“Young at heart and goofy, chivalrous, family oriented, Godly, tall dark and handsome! Also: must love or be comfortable with watching an abundance of Disney movies.”
I do not have a “type” so the “tall dark and handsome” is completely optional. But what really touches me about this reply is the word “Godly”. The reason this touches my heart is because this friend is not a Christian herself. I love her deeply and she has been a part of my life for many years, I cannot imagine what growing up without her would have been like. All that said, despite our major differences in world views and matters of faith, she knows me and knows that I need someone who shares my beliefs. It means the world to me that she has my back and knows I will not compromise and that a Godly man is something I need.
“Oh, this is fun! He has to love sarcasm, breathe in sarcasm like it’s oxygen… it basically has to be the second reason he’s alive aside from loving Jesus. (That’s another thing.) Jesus. He has to love Jesus. He has to dance because seriously, Sarah without dancing is non-existent Sarah. You and your dance moves are a package deal. He has to share a hate of Peeps and candy corn (if he doesn’t he may have to sleep most nights in the garage) ummm he has to love movies! Movies of every kind but especially Star Wars and Disney movies! Late night runs to Meijer are kinda a given in a friendship/relationship with you, so we just ask that he’s okay with that. (Yes, I said “we” because that’s a requirement I have as well for him) oh gosh I could go on and on…”
“1) Love music
2) Be willing to spend quality time with kids
3) Respects women
4) Be like Papa Smith and not wear a shirt 😉 😛
5) Willing to read books you love
6) Drop everything on a dime and watch a Disney movie with you
7) Have similar sarcasm like you!
8) He and get along with your brothers
9) Be willing to talk hours in a parking lot
10) Be a night owl
11) He needs to understand when a woman needs chocolate, a woman needs chocolate
12) Understands that food makes us happy
13) Be an encouraging pusher
14) Have deep theology
15) Cats over dogs
16) He has to laugh at certain parts of the “Message”
17) If he doesn’t like homeschoolers, he ain’t for you”
As true as this numbered list may be, I do have to say that the ‘cats over dogs’ is not a must. Just cannot be anti-cat. I love pets in general, just so happens that I have 5 cats. I did used to have a dog and I do want another dog someday.
“Um the usual gotta love God, has to love music, tall preferably. Gotta love Star Wars, funny”
“Cannot be allergic to peanut-butter; I do not think you could handle that. Knows better than to steal your chocolate chip cookies! Understands that Chinese food is the best food! Why are all of mine about food?”
“He has to understand that as an extrovert sometimes you talk just to process what you are thinking and you do not actually need him to give much input or reply. He just needs to listen.”
“You love talking about spiritual matters, life, personality types, theology, and what Father is doing in your life. He has to be able to get deep and personal and go there with you.”
“You can be stubborn. Shocker I know. That said you need someone who can be patient with you, but also be firm because sometimes you need that. You are loving, understanding, and kind. But you can be strong-willed so there will be moments where he may have to stand up to you a bit. He has to have leadership skills and be able to lead you.”
“It sounds so cliché to say he has to be a strong Christian. But the fact is that every other trait you need, needs to come as a direct result of a heart changed by Father. He has to be patient, loving, non-judgmental, understanding, and a good listener. You have a wide spiritual background that also includes aspects of ‘spiritual abuse’ as we have talked about before. Therefore he has to be sensitive to that and willing to understand what your limits are, and appreciate how far you’ve come in grace and freedom. He has to celebrate spiritual breakthroughs (yours, his, family members, ect) with you. You get so excited in those moments and you need someone who can see the importance of those moments and celebrate with you.”
“If Nick Jonas proposes you’re leaving your guy.”
This last one made me laugh! This friend understands where my loyalty really lies! All joking aside, I may clearly love the Jonas Brothers, and Nick may be my ‘favorite’ Jonas, but the fact is that he is not loving Jesus well and that trumps all else. However if Nick gets his spiritual life on track than all bets are off. 😉
Through doing this I learned something; my friends all seem to agree that strong-actively growing Christian is a must. Followed by sarcastic, music loving, and Disney loving. Homeschool appreciation is also a reoccurring theme. Surely someone out there in the world meets those requirements!