“I need to feel You standing close to me. Be the hope when the world is crushing down. Come wrap Your arms around me, calm the storm inside my heart.” Calm the Storm by SPOKEN (Jasen Rauch and SPOKEN, 2013)
For some reason Father likes to talk to me in the car and at the gym more so than any other locations.
Most of the time I do not choose to blog about it, usually because I cannot come up with a whole post for the topic. Other times I do feel the need to share, this is one of those times.
Today as I left my house to head to the gym it started to rain. No big deal. I was praying (as I so often do in the car) about different situations in my life as I drove. When I pulled into the gym parking lot the rain got heavier and was joined by small hail stones. I looked out the window and said, “Lord, I do not want to go out in that. If You could cause a break in the storm just long enough for me to run inside I would appreciate it. Please”. Father spoke to my heart in that instant and said, “Isn’t that what you have been doing all day; complaining about the storm? You believe I can give a break from a physical storm, do you believe I can also calm the storms of life?”
I sat silently for a moment taking that in when The Lord spoke to my heart again and said, “Read Mark 4:35-41”.
In that moment there was a break in the storm and I ran inside, headed to my favorite treadmill, pulled out my phone, opened my favorite Bible app (YouVersion), and pulled up Mark 4. I already knew what passage the Lord was directing my heart to, but I read as if I did not, really focusing on the words. If you are not familiar with that section of Mark 4 it is the account of when Jesus calms the storm. While I was reading two things stuck out to me.
The first was that Jesus was asleep. Oh how many times have I heard this account in church and read it myself growing up? I could always tell you that Jesus was asleep during the storm, but when I read it today it hit me. It is not that He did not care about the storm, but that He was not worried about it. He had a peace in the Father and rested in that. I want to tell Father, “I see these waves, but I trust You” and let Him handle it without worry.
The second thing I noticed was verse 40. Jesus asks his disciples how it is that they have “no faith”. This caught my attention as I do often hear this account quoted from Matthew 8:18-27 where He calls them men “of little faith”. I then wanted to know what the account in Luke 8:22-25 says; no faith or little faith. In Luke Jesus asked, “where is your faith”.
I asked Father why He took me to Mark instead of Matthew or Luke, to which I got the response, “If I took you to Matthew you would have breezed over it as you know that version the best. If I took you to Luke your knee-jerk reaction to the question “where is your faith” would be to say that it is in Me. I took you to Mark because your actions say you do not have faith that I will do what I have said. You tell me with your lips that you trust me and have faith, but your worry, doubt, and fear tell a different story.”
Ouch! I thought I was trusting Him. But there is a big difference between, “There is nothing I can do about this so it is on You to handle this for me” and “I trust You to handle this, because You are God and Your ways are good.”
Maybe I am writing this purely for my own processing and growth in this area. Whatever the reason, I can say that today is a turning point for me. I am not delusional, I know this is going to be a daily choice to surrender and trust Father. But I have hope in my God, I have faith in my God, and I trust Him. He has proven His character to me many times before and He shows us example after example in His word of who He is. He is a faithful God.